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Tuesday, June 19, 2012

When your reputation is attacked, what do you do?


When someone publicly attacks your reputation, what do you do? And, specifically, what do you do about a slanderous blog comment? I received a doozy of such a comment, and after careful contemplation, I've come up with four possible responses.

  1. Ignore it completely.
  2. Delete the comment.
  3. Respond to the comment privately.
  4. Respond to the comment publicly.

Deleting the comment, though perhaps satisfying on some level, would only fuel the fire. It would only prove her point. So, it stays for all to see.

The first option is probably the most adult, the most mature, especially in this situation since I doubt her comment will have a negative effect on my reputation. After all, my loyal fans know me and know that what she said isn't true—not one negative word.

However, there might be a chance that someone will believe her comment, so I have decided to respond. A private response wouldn't do any good since it would be simply two people shouting at each other. Laying everything out publicly, though, will allow truth to be seen clearly.

If I lose a few followers out of this, so be it. I doubt I will, though. In fact, this sort of post encourages people to follow me all the more so since it gives me a chances to discuss my core values—what makes The Masquerade Crew special.


The Situation


For those who are not familiar with the situation, here's the blog post that describes everything. Included in that post is a link to Julia's blog about this situation. I encourage you to read not only that post of hers but others as I have encouraged this entire time.

After you've gotten caught up, come back here to read the defamatory comment and my response.

Comment from Amanda


I think there is a possibility that Mark didn't intend to be inflammatory in the beginning. But I also think that he was at least attempting to take advantage of Wicked Julia.

The whole altercation started with him stating that if a person visits his blog, he'll visit theirs. Everything that came after that was him making excuses as to why he wasn't going to keep up his end of his own deal. From the language of his posts it is clear that he Never intended to read her blog because of what he Thinks it’s about. So he wanted her to promote him, without her expecting him to return the favor.

His duplicity only became clear because of this exchange. The only reason he posted anything at all regarding this blog was because he appears to have felt that he was forced to. As a result it was grudging at best. All of that I could chalk up to general self-serving arrogance, it’s what came next that makes him a dick.

So, rather reasonably, Wicked Julia doesn't respond favorable to her writing being dismissed as the internet version of a fuck book (which might be because it’s bloody well not) and comments to that effect. Mark then proceeds to attempt to dictate how she feels about the preceding interactions. He feels that he has the right to dictate how another person Feels about their interaction with him. What’s more, he appears to have recruited some followers of his to help him browbeat her into submission. It does not matter what anyone else thinks at this point, it does not matter what his intent was. The fact is that she clearly feels that her point of view has been devalued, and her writing has been dismissed unfairly. Telling her that she is wrong to feel this way is only proving the point. Anyone who has done so has devalued her perception. Anyone who has commented on the situation without reading the blog has dismissed her work unfairly. You lazy, arrogant, patriarchy invested morons.

My Response


Let's dissect the above comment to see what lies at its core.

I think there is a possibility that Mark didn't intend to be inflammatory in the beginning.

I think this is the only nice thing she said about me ... wait a minute. No, this wasn't nice either. My intention has not been inflammatory at any point, but more about that a little later on.

But I also think that he was at least attempting to take advantage of Wicked Julia.

Completely not true, of course. Let's read on.

The whole altercation started with him stating that if a person visits his blog, he'll visit theirs. Everything that came after that was him making excuses as to why he wasn't going to keep up his end of his own deal.

I did keep up my end of the deal. The deal did not include reading the blog. It was a visit exchange. Bringing up a site on a browser counts as a visit.

From the language of his posts it is clear that he Never intended to read her blog because of what he Thinks it’s about.

The subject matter didn't interest me. I read the first entry as she suggested, and even after that (and even right now), I have little to no interest in reading her blog.

I didn't know what to think about the site, but from her own tag line at the top of her site, I knew that I wouldn't be interested. When she asked me to read a particular entry that explained the purpose of her site (beyond the tag line), I gladly obliged.

So he wanted her to promote him, without her expecting him to return the favor.

When did I ask her to promote me? I didn't.

His duplicity only became clear because of this exchange. The only reason he posted anything at all regarding this blog was because he appears to have felt that he was forced to. As a result it was grudging at best.

Another completely false statement. I actually promoted her blog through the "mass" tweet (is there any other kind?) before she objected to my "critique." I had every intention of promoting her, regardless of what her site was about. In fact, I do that quite regularly. I ask for visitors to my site. In exchange, I tweet about them. Anyone who actually pays attention to my tweets has had the opportunity to see this in action.

All of that I could chalk up to general self-serving arrogance, it’s what came next that makes him a dick.

At any point in this charade have I used such language? Enough said.

So, rather reasonably, Wicked Julia doesn't respond favorable to her writing being dismissed as the internet version of a fuck book (which might be because it’s bloody well not) and comments to that effect.

I had no problem with Julia's objection. I'll say this again: "I gladly read the entry when she asked me to."

I had to look up "@#$% book." Surprise! I'm not that type of person. Anyone who assumed I was thinking that obviously doesn't know me. It didn't matter if the blog was graphic in the extreme degree or very mild as it turns out it is. I simply wasn't interested in actually reading it for myself—a visit and a quick, positive comment is all I usually do.

Mark then proceeds to attempt to dictate how she feels about the preceding interactions. He feels that he has the right to dictate how another person Feels about their interaction with him. What’s more, he appears to have recruited some followers of his to help him browbeat her into submission. It does not matter what anyone else thinks at this point, it does not matter what his intent was. The fact is that she clearly feels that her point of view has been devalued, and her writing has been dismissed unfairly. Telling her that she is wrong to feel this way is only proving the point. Anyone who has done so has devalued her perception.

Amanda, do you actually realize she blogged first? It is true she didn't name names, which could be seen as a positive. However, she was hiding behind the truth, in my opinion. She was ranting, which is her right. And I very well could have ignored it, but when I saw that two of her comments were from people who follow me as well, I felt it my obligation to tell my side, to say something for the sake of my reputation.

In my reply, though, I did not dictate how she was supposed to feel about the situation. I was simply stating my side of the story. Most of the post was about me, not her. I even apologized for the misunderstanding. I wasn't even aware of the "altercation" until I saw the DM from her weeks after the event.

I asked no one to comment, publicly or privately. They felt the desire to comment just as her followers did. I have no ill feelings toward Julia.

Anyone who has commented on the situation without reading the blog has dismissed her work unfairly. You lazy, arrogant, patriarchy invested morons.

In the previous post, I did my best to encourage people to go check out Julia's blog, and I'll do it again. CHECK OUT JULIA'S BLOG: HERE. To further show that I have no ill feelings toward Julia, I publicly invite her to write a guest post for us about her blog. I will gladly share it with my followers, many of whom will be interested.

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